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THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE HAS APPEARED IN THE RECORD ON February 13, 2002

Giving bus a second chance


Last April, I penned a less- than- complimentary column about our bus trip to Fort Lauderdale. The title was, "How we tested our survivor skills -on the bus ". My conclusion was crystal clear. No matter how much I hated flying - the next time I would take a plane. At the expense of sounding two-faced -forget what I wrote. There is still no way I'll take a plane even if it is much less dangerous.

If you happened to have read last month's column, "Back on the road again, but in what?" you would probably assume from this week's heading that we will be traveling to Columbia and Panama in either a motor home or Westfalia. Not so, despite having received tons of good advice we still haven't made up our minds on what to buy.

So how are we planning to get there? Here's a hint. Madeleine ordered a lightweight travel pillow, which, according to the advertising hype, is supposed to make travel safer and more comfortable. Despite everything I said and wrote about last year's bus trip we have convinced ourselves to give it another try. Why, again to Fort Lauderdale? In Port Everglades we will board the Sun Princess for a 10-day cruise to Columbia and Costa Rica via the Panama Canal.

And for those of you who think we belong in your, "What were they thinking?" category, this time we expect the 5458-km return trip to be easier. For a starter, we will leave from Burlington, Vermont at 7.30 a.m. rather than 11a.m. and consequently end up with only one transfer in New York City. Anyone who has waited in a busy bus terminus with loads of baggage knows that transfers are not all fun and games. Contrary to airline travelers, bus passengers are required to retrieve their luggage at each transfer and check it on to the next bus. Now for the real clincher- we lost the burning desire to stay one step ahead of the drivers. This time we will sit in the rear section of the bus so as to avoid witnessing any of the scary tailgating practices with the 18-wheelers. Better still, we should be far enough in the back so as not to see any of the drivers. This way we won't know whether they are talking a blue streak on their cellular phones or leafing through magazines while roaring down the I-95.

Not everything has been solved. Because of bus seats that hardly recline, sleeping remains the big challenge during our 36-hour trip. While Madeleine is banking on her famous travel pillow I'll be relying on an inflatable model, which I picked up at Dollarama. In the event we arrive shell-shocked, we will be sticking to last year's strategy -a few nights in a Fort Lauderdale motel before embarkation. Just in case I gave you the impression that my fixation against flying is the only reason we're taking a bus, it isn't. I couldn't resist Greyhound's attractive two-for-one companion deal. Rather than pay $198 U.S., for each round trip ticket, we get two tickets for the price of one, as long as they are purchased at least three days prior to departure. Call me a travel tightwad but at half price I'm ready to cope with quite a few inconveniences!

As for those of you who suspect that our decision had something to do with a mood swing caused by the lack of sunshine, don't waste your time. Last week we took a bus to Montreal just to make sure we weren't in a state of denial. Considering the 11-week delay required to renew a passport by mail we decided to head straight to the passport office in Montreal and at the same time avoid some of the hassles of driving and parking. We chose a Wednesday in order to dodge the typical Monday and Friday traffic jams and to take advantage of the shorter lineups at the passport office during the middle of the week.

We left Knowlton at 7:10 a.m. on the dot and at 9:30 were dropped off directly in front of Complex Guy Favreau on Rene Levesque where the passport office is located. With only 14 passengers on board it was almost as if we had the bus to ourselves. While I've traveled to Montreal by car on hundreds of occasions and know practically every building and tree along the way I was surprised by how different everything looks from high up on a commercial bus. On the other hand, while the trip was both comfortable and safe, the passengers were a lot less entertaining than those we met during our trip to Fort Lauderdale. Speaking of the passport office, by the time we arrived, there were close to 40 applicants ahead of us and another 20 or so standing in a row to pick up their passports. We were given a number and told to wait until it showed up on a neon screen. At 10.20 when it finally flashed we rushed to the designated booth where a surprisingly cheery passport clerk was waiting. Because of our tight bus schedule we weren't about to waste a second. He asked for our driver's license, verified our old passports and government birth certificates through his computer, checked to see if our pictures were properly witnessed, filled in the reserved spaces on the application form and finally registered them. All in all, it took about 15 minutes. After paying the $170 fee for both passports we were told that if we didn't want to return in two weeks to pick them up, we would receive them by special courier before the end of the month.

Thanks to a young taxi driver who knew all of the short cuts and back streets, we arrived just in time at the Beri Terminal to catch our 11a.m. return bus. At 1.10 p.m. we were back in Knowlton, well rested and all psyched up for the big bus trip. I could go on and I will in due course. In the meantime I'm sticking to the old show-biz adage, "always leave 'em wanting more." Next week: Liability of directors of non-profit organizations